You may think this reflection will begin from when I got on the plane to begin my pilgrimage, the journey of a life time. Well you're wrong. This journey did not start on 17/09/15 but started the day I was born. I was born a Muslim and one of the pillars of Islam is to complete hajj. My real desire to complete this sacred act actually came in 2012, this is the year I chose to wear my hijab. 2012 was a special year for me where I learnt a lot and was a life changing year for me in various ways. I became closer to my Lord. A close friend of mine went to do hajj this year too, so I watched a tv show on Islam Channel called 'footsteps of Ibrahim' everyday just to see what actually happened when people went to do hajj. Alhumdulillah I am so glad I watched this show. I watched everyday and my heart yearned to go to Makkah and Madinah just by hearing the pilgrims talk about their journey thus far. I then spoke to my family and with a little persuasion my dad agreed to arrange a trip to complete umrah. 

April 2013- When my heart skipped a beat

Alhumdulillah (All praise be to Allah) we went for our umrah trip! Mum, dad, me and my brother. I was SO happy, as it took a few months persuasion to get dad on board but we got there and it was beautiful and a life changing experience. Getting on that plane, hearing the pilgrims chant labaik- it sent shivers down my spine (in a good way). The first sight of kabah, the amazing feeling of being there with my family, it was truly a wonderful experience. I used to dream of seeing the kabah and now I was finally here, Allah invited me and I was so grateful for this experience. As cliched as it sounds, when you see the kabah, your heart really does skip a beat.

This experience made me realise I needed to come back, in fact I didn't want to leave the place. But one thing I knew for sure was this is where my heart and soul felt at ease and this is where I belonged! I was SO coming back here.

The rest of 2013,2014 and beginning of 2015 I kept badgering my dad about hajj and saying we needed to go and that now was the perfect time. My dad wasn't so sure and didn't feel 100% ready but every now and again I would keep raising it and saying we really do need to go. I prayed and made dua for Allah swt to allow us this honour of going to do hajj. 2014 flew by and there was still no solid plan of hajj. I was sad and disappointed by this but didn't give up. At the end of 2014 I again insisted to my dad that we must go and kept pushing, he was warming to the idea. 

2015- Perseverance and prayer

My dua to Allah was consistent on this matter (going to do hajj) and I prayed everyday for the invite to come from Allah. I spoke to my dad some more and he agreed that yes we would make arrangements to go, we didn't research much till about March, and I was beginning to worry that we may miss out again this year. However in May we spoke to my amazing Uncle who referred us to a group he knew that arranged trips and finally we were getting closer. Just before Ramadhan I began to push dad to make arrangements to pay deposits etc and we finally got there (at this point I still felt it could go either way) but I kept praying for it. The intention was there, the longing for hajj was there all we needed now was for Allah to accept this intention and alhumdulillah after Ramadhan this was done and it was all paid for.

Everyone kept telling me I was so lucky to be going but it wasn't sinking in for me, I guess when you want something so badly and it finally happens it becomes hard to believe. The day it hit me I was going was actually the day of my hajj seminar when the shaykh leading it said how honoured he felt to be in the company of the guests of Allah. This one sentence touched my heart and bought a tear to my eyes. It was happening, a dream was about to come true and a prayer was about to be answered.

September 2015- A dream came true, a prayer was answered.

The dream had come true. The shopping and prep was all done and everyone was at my house visiting me and my family, wishing us well and asking us to pray for them. This was happening and I felt a little numb, a little afraid but very excited. It was a whirlwind. Before we set off to travel I went to see two of the most precious people in my life- my grandparents. My grand father had been extremely unwell so this was a very testing time for us all, this goodbye was particularly emotional and tear filled. Luckily he had come home from hospital just before we left for hajj so it was good to leave knowing he was on his way to recovery. I gave them both a heartfelt hug, and we set off. My uncle and brother dropped us off, I was really sad to be leaving my brother behind and knew I would miss him and felt sad he couldn't experience this with us- but it wasn't his time right now and in sha Allah I hope it comes for him very soon. Before embarking on this journey, i sent a message to my family highlighting why i loved them all and what they meant to me, who knew if i would ever get this opportunity again....so it had to be said. Emotions were at a high and the journey began.

I'm not going to give a day by day account of everything that happened whilst we were there as I would be here forever writing so I will go onto the significant acts of hajj and what they meant to me spiritually. Hajj is such an amazing experience and I will tell you why, you feel every emotion possible, you are tested beyond what you can imagine, you feel like you will not make it but you carry on, the strength you have there you won't have at any other time and the trials you encounter during the few days of hajj are trials that will make you wonder if you can get through this experience. The result - well words cannot describe that, it so so amazing that I can't even begin to explain it. No words can do that feeling justice.

8th Dhul Hijjah- O my Lord, here I am at Your service, here I am.There is no partner with You,here I am.Truly the praise and the provisions are Yours,and so is the dominion and sovereignty.There is no partner with You.

The words of labaik are just words of such beauty, we are telling Allah SWT that we are here at his service, the sole purpose of hajj- an act of worship to Allah SWT.

This is the day our hajj began, we proceeded to mina where we would be staying in tents, this was a vast difference to what we had experienced thus far which was a 5* luxury hotel. I knew what was to come was going to be a challenge, but hearing my group leaders words of inspiration telling us his was our hajj and to make the very most of this one experience of a life time made me determined to do my best. The men began to chant labaik in the coach and my excitement grew, it was happening and were pilgrims. We had the honour of being the chosen ones this year and I just could not help but smile at the thought. We arrived at the tents and I could see this was going to be harder then I thought but we all carried on and did our best whilst encouraging each other. The thing with hajj and staying in these tents is that you are literally taken back to basics and this basic I had never known before. I had never experienced this type of living condition before. It was tough. But those around you become your support and like a family. My heart warms when I think of the people I spent this time with.

9th Dhul Hijjah - day of arafah - Prophet Muhammad (sallahu ilayhi wasalam) said 'hajj is arafah' 

We spent the day in arafah, the most important day of hajj where we prayed, repented and prayed some more. This was our day, we were pilgrims and we needed to make the most of the special day. It was extremely hot, it was tiring but this was the day that meant everything. The significance of this day is that hajj is only valid when the day of arafah has been observed. Some Hadith say that arafah is the place Adam (as) and Hawa met once again when they were sent down to earth. There are many Hadith which state the importance of arafah, therefore this alone highlights that this is a special day which requires one to submit themselves in prayer to Allah.

Muzdalifah - the night spent out on open ground 

Once the day of arafah ended we made our way to muzdalifah to sleep on the open ground for the night. Why do we do this? Well for me this made me think of the day of judgement of judgement where we will have nothing and everyone will be frantic looking for good deeds to add to their list. Sleeping on that hot ground, the heat burning my back made me think of how the grave would be, of course this would be nothing compared to how it will all be in reality but none the less made me ponder and reflect. This is the night one should rest as the next day is challenging and any bit of energy possible is needed. I couldn't sleep at all this night, it was dusty, congested and extremely hot. I thought of all my loved ones this night and missed them. I collected my stones for the next day and waited for the night to end.

10th Dhul Hijjah - Ramy Al Jamarat - the symbolic stoning of shaitaan (the devil)

This is the most challenging part of hajj in my opinion, this is the day we walked and walked and walked. I have never walked so much in my life, it was hot and I didn't think I would make it through this day. From muzdalifah we walked to Jamarat and we began our stoning. The reason behind the stoning is; it reacts the experience of Ibrahim (alayhi salam), the devil appeared him three times, at each of these appearances Angel Gibrael said 'pelt him' so Ibrahim (as) did this seven times each. Ibrahim (as) pelted the devil each time he tried to deter him when he was about to sacrifice his son. The pebbles were thrown to get rid of this temptation. We enact this ritual during hajj. 

After the final stoning we made our way back to Makkah, this day was amazing. We had finished everything we needed to do and guess what?? This was the day i turned 30!! Alhumdulillah. I actually felt like the luckiest woman alive at this point. 30 years ago on this day my amazing mother gave birth to me, my mum and dad became parents, and today they had completed each part of their hajj, and i was with them. We had completed a pillar of islam. What a beautiful experience. My 30th celebrated by completing hajj with the very two people who bought me into this world. I always wanted to do hajj, i tried for a few years and it happened at such a perfect time. It became all the more special, for me, my mum and my dad. We completed this pillar on the day i turned 30. I don't really celebrate birthdays to be honest, but this was the best present i could ever have imagined. This was from Allah. Sometimes we feel things aren't happening for us, but we don't realise that Allah does everything in his appointed time. And when it does happen, it is all the more amazing. On this day i missed my brother especially, i wished he could experience this with us and made a special dua for him. I missed all my friends and family and prayed that they all get to experience this beauty as soon as possible.

Hajj is a journey of a life time, everyone will have something unique about their hajj experience and we could all write pages and pages about it. My aim was to keep this brief but because hajj is so huge, it becomes impossible to write about it and keep it brief. It isn't possible to be brief in this topic.  Once you have that sincere intention in your heart for hajj, watch how Allah opens those doors for you. Hajj is so amazing it is beyond description, during it i felt like i couldn't get through it as it was so testing, but the minute it was done....guess what? I wanted to go back and do it all again. The minute i returned to London, i wanted to go back.

My heart yearns for another opportunity to be one of the hujjaj again, and i felt this the minute my hajj ended. This experience humbles you, you realise that all the materialistic things mean nothing, all that really matters is Allah. Allah guides you through it and gives you the strength beyond what you can imagine. Allahuakbar- Allah is the greatest.

The hajj journey doesn't end here, it carries on for life. You keep those precious moments with you for a life time. When you return it may not get easier, it may get harder- life is a test and we need to keep reminding ourselves to be better. And so the journey continues.......

This is my reflection of my hajj experience, #HAJJ2015.